My journey to self acceptance

To be really honest, it wasn't easy for me to accept myself in my early years of adolescence. However, I realized that until you accept yourself, the society won't. The society may tell you to change, and being super honest, I tried to change so that I am accepted or in other words "fit in". But as soon as I changed myself, I was told that this was wrong and I should be myself. You know, there will be so many people who are going to criticize you either way.

So, how was I able to accept myself? It took around 2 years for me to accept the way I was and I still am open to criticism, I try to become a better version of myself everyday. Self acceptance, for me, is definitely not "I am like this only, if you can deal then its okay otherwise leave". 

It was never like this for me, so being a victim of bullying or humiliation I was regularly told that I wasn't good enough. People often said I was a little too self obsessed but lets face it, a person who started to doubt her own self, how can she be self obsessed? Well, there were more allegations than answers and hence I became used to the way I was treated and started to doubt myself.

I was told that "why do you care so much about what people say?" and I thought that I shouldn't but then I was portrayed as a person who doesn't care about people's feelings and hence whenever something unacceptable happened, I was being pointed out and also it was easier for everyone to blame me as I stood alone and well, breaking friendship with one was easier than breaking it with 20. Eventually becoming a rude, unhappy and insensitive person.

So, after sometime after I survived my anxiety and grew from my self doubt phase. I started to analyse what matters in my life, my family and my few friends always stood for me. 

One day after all that bullying and that phase of my life, I was again a victim of another way of bullying but I didn't fight and just quietly went home. After I was home, I sat in one corner of my room wishing I was that rude, carefree person. I was now starting to imagine the past me in current situations, sometimes feeling that this would have helped if I just confronted like I used to, at least I would have felt light and sometimes feeling its better that I ignore now and don't indulge in arguments which affect me. 

So, after growing tired of my habit of overthinking I decided to let go of the person I was 2 years earlier, I promised myself that I will never let go of that bold girl in my heart, but I have to stop thinking about "what the past me would do" now. 

I took away the positives from my past self, the self love, the assertive nature, the reasoning abilities and let her go with the negatives she had, the irrelevant attitude, being rude to everyone, and most importantly, the feeling of "why me".

That day, I was stronger, happier and more myself. I am thankful for all the experiences my life has given me till now.

This is my journey of self acceptance and I am proud of it.

Deeksha Chopra